Finally

Today at PT, I rode a stationary bike with my hands.  Ooh, I know you're jealous and yes I did feel like I was 104 years old.  But you know, it also felt kind-of good.  I arm pedaled backwards and forwards for 10 minutes and got a good work-out, for my shoulder.  Then I finally got to do some new exercises, but only cuz I saw another lady recovering from shoulder surgery a month ahead of me doing them last week.  So I showed the PT lady I could do those and she actually let me.  Yippee.  After this session, I was a little sore, I was in pain, and it felt good.

After PT, I went to the gym and rode the step mill at level 150 until I had to stop.  I felt even better.

Later as I was walking out of preschool with the baby, I turned back because the teacher was saying something and walked my shoulder right into the corner of the wall, hard.  It knocked the wind out of me, and I actually had to feel my shoulder with my hand to make sure the bone hadn't popped out of place.

All is well.  But it sure did scare me.  My clumsiness may bite me in the but here.  I just need to make it to 12 weeks post op for all the 'stuff' to heal.

Going Nowhere Slow

I was so excited for today's PT session.  I was finally moving on, moving onto the next phase of my therapy.  And what happens?  The therapist had me move my arm all the way up over my head and do one new rotator cuff exercise.  Ugh!  I've been doing this for over a week on my own, everyday.

I so want to make some progress, do more, feel like I'm getting somewhere.  But no, we need to take it slow.  I'm pulling my hair out.  In the meantime, I'm going to the gym each day, twice today, taking spinning classes, and losing weight.  The 32 pound baby is not a problem anymore.  When do I get to be me again?

I'm Mean & I Figured It Out

Ever since my accident, it's been dry, cool, perfect riding weather.  I hate it, I'm jealous, I admit it.  But after a month of this little drought, it's been raining in Charlotte for the past two days.  My grass is happy, my bushes are smiling, my trees are in a great mood.  And me, I'm really loving it too.  Why?  Cuz no one else can ride either!  I know, that's mean, sorry.  But it makes me feel better.

And I think I figured out the weird gym thing.  There's a lady next to me tonight doing these funky abductor excercises.  And it hit me.  She's working on her abs for her abs, just her abs.  Nothing else.  When I mountain bike, I work on every single part of my body without thinking about any one of them for even a second.  I focus on the thrill, the burn, the pure joy.  There's no joy in crunches.

Anyway, the gym is good for me now and I really appreciate being able to do something, but I am so ready to get back on the bike.

Tiny Progress

This morning I took my third spin class and even rode for a while without my sling.  I couldn't put much pressue on my arm, more out of fear than pain.  But still it felt good to just hold onto handlebars.  After class I did bicep curls and tri's.  I'm doing anything I can to maintain some muscle tone.

I felt so good this afternoon that I spent almost two hours washing the bamboo floors in my entire house, with both hands on my knees.  I know this sounds stupid, but it made me so happy.

Now, I can pcik up my 32 pound son and put my hair in a pony tail.  Silly, small progress, but progress.

I see a mountain bike on a greenway in my near future, not real mountain biking, but baby steps on the way back to the trails.

Just Go Faster

Today I was asked to write a short cycling bio that included some advice.  So what did I write?  Just go faster.  It's the first thing that came to my mind.  But then after I hit send, I thought about it...  Do I still believe it?  Can I still live by it, ride by it?

I remember when I was first learning to ride, hubby told me everything gets easier with speed.  And it turns out it was true, so true.

But when I get back on the bike in a few months, will I have the confidence to speed through the roots, rocks, bumps, jumps.  I feel hesitant already.  To be honest, the longer I'm off the bike, the more leery I get about getting back on.  Will I ever get back to 100%, or 110% like in a race?

The whole six months off the bike that the doc told me about on Tuesday is really sinking in.  Although I can't imagine I'll really have to take that much time off.  PT is going well.  In a week and a half I had all my range of motion back (which was supposed to take 4 weeks).  So the next two and a half weeks are just going through the motions until I can start strengthening the joint and muscles.

I may fast forward through rehab, but I'll have to remember my own advice when I get back on the bike.

Spinning Might Be Good For Me

Today I took a spinning class for the first time in about four years.  Sad to say, it kicked my butt.  Just weeks ago I was ready to mountain bike for 50 miles and over five hours.  Today 40 minutes on a spinning bike in a gym wore me out.  Ouch!  That's embarrassing, but true.

The teacher was young, had great legs, and a really fake smile.  The musics was decent.  And the bikes have come a long way in a few years.  My new gym has Kaiser bikes with little computers displaying RPM, kcal, watts, and resistance.  I have to admit, it was nice having a gauge.

I remember when I started mountain biking, I was taking spinning classes 5-6 days a week.  Mountain biking required skills I didn't have, but the cardio part was so easy.  I was able to stand and cycle for most of the ride.  Now after years of only mountain biking and running, I'm not sure that I'm stronger.  I have more skills, but are my legs and lungs stronger?  Not sure.

So, wearing my rose colored glasses, I'm thinking spinning might be good for my mountain biking.  I guess we'll see when I get back on the real bike and race again....soon.  Well maybe not soon.

Today the doc said he'd like me to take 6 months off mountain biking.  What?!?  Oh, but I'm welcome to start road biking in 3 months.  Are you kidding?  I'm not a roadie and have no interest in playing in traffic.

I'm trying to stay positive.  My range of motion is weeks ahead of where it should be.  I'm back to my pre accident weight.  I'm working out every day and even lifting light weights with my right had.  Think good thoughts...

Gyms Are Strange / A Fitness Background

For the most part I've been pretty lucky.  I was a chubby baby, rolls on my leg rolls, and not much of a neck to speak of, but I leaned out in my grade school years, and my mom started me running and going to the gym before I hit double digits.

Today, I step-milled next to a really fit 27 y/o named Kelly.  We chatted, it made the time go by quickly.  Well, my whole 35 minutes before the childcare center closed.  She of course did an hour and 45 minutes at a speed almost twice mine.  Without thinking, I asked her if she was a gym rat or did something else.  She said gym rat and didn't seem offended.  That's so odd.  I looked around and really started thinking.  How many of these people are just here for their bodies?  I mean just how they look.  Okay maybe health too, but really to change or keep their figure.  They have no goal, no focus, no other reason to be there.  More reps, more weight, longer time on the step-mill.  I'm not saying that's bad or wrong.  It's just odd to me now.

But it shouldn't be odd. I was a gym rat for years, and loved it.  These are from Gold's Gym in Redondo Beach, CA in the early 90's.  Forgive the Pebbles Flinstone hair; I could never get a pony tail to stay in and hated the hair on my back.  And please appreciate the spandex and tall socks!  I have no shame.

I did aerobics, step classes, kick-boxing, spinning, free weights, and even the mind numbing machines for what seems like millions of years.  I did two 5k's in college.  In 2000 I ran my first half marathon as a fluke.  I couldn't walk for three days.  For the next three years, I ran the same half marathon on super bowl Sunday without a day of training, and paid for it each time.

In September of 2004 I started training for a marathon.  It got me out of the gym for the first time in my life.  I had almost 30 miles of strand between Huntington Beach and Newport Beach to run along.  I loved it, I mean really fell in love with life outside the gym.  I didn't stop going to the gym, just added awesome 17-21 miles runs a few times a week.  I ran my first marathon early that December and another in February just about a minute apart, 3:44 and 3:45, if I remember correctly.

On Valentine's Day of 2005, I drove across the country and moved to Charlotte.  That May I started mountain biking, and by the next Spring I gave up the gym after I did my first mountain bike race.  Mountain bike racing was nothing like the run races I'd done in the past.  Run races are you against your best time, or at least they were for me.  I was never elite, never going to win, that's even silly to type.  But mountain biking racing was different.  I was green, totally new, running my bike on the sections I didn't know how to ride and yet chasing the girls in front of me with everything I had.   I mean everything.  I went as fast as I could.  Worked harder in a hour and 20 minute bike race than I did in a marathon.  It was the best feeling.  The biggest high.  I was addicted immediately.  And have been ever since.

Now I am broken, back in the gym and hating life, well as much as you can with the most adorable 2 y/o ever.  And here are all these gym rats around me.  Are they athletes?  Do we have anything in common?  It sure doesn't feel like it.

Some day I will be back with my mountain biking friends, back with the Dirt Divas, maybe even racing with the guys again.  I will get another bike, I will ride again, I will race again.  And I will keep repeating this in my head until it comes true.