The Good Kind Of Pain

After three straight days with my regular physical therapist, I feel great.  The first session on Tuesday was sooooooooo painful.  I was wincing and holding onto the table with my left hand for dear life.  Who knew she has such a mean streak.  But as soon as she let go, the pain went away.  And the next two days were easier, less painful, and gave way to greater movement.  So now my shoulder feels much looser and more normal, which is good.  I am still in the sling till Feb 23rd and time is ticking slowly, but even this little progress is so appreciated.

I'm looking forward to a 2011 filled with riding and racing.  Happy New Year!

Slingin' in the Snow

For those of you who believe, in Santa that is...Merry Christmas!

On the day after Santa came, we got snow.  It's quite a novelty in Charlotte.

My sling sure did keep me warm!

Going Slow

After three days of PT, I feel like I haven't gotten anywhere.  The assistant therapist is being so cautious, ugh!  If I can't feel her doing anything, what's the point in going to therapy?  Oh well, my regular therapist m is back next week.  I'm looking forward to the good kind of pain.

I also saw the doc Wednesday.  He was so excited to tell me how easy this 2nd surgery was.  The device came right out, no digging.  He put the new one in, using the previously drilled whole, and viola...done.

Kind of wish he could have done that on Oct 4th when I broke the device the first time.  But I'm trying not to go there...

PT Begins Again

On a scale of 1 to 10, how's the pain?

Uh, zero.

Really?

I don't feel anything.  Is that bad?

No, it's just that this is one of the most painful surgeries to recover from.  I can't believe you could be pain free twice.

Huh?  Well I still hope this is the last time :).

On The Road

Today was my first day back at the gym, a mellow 45 minutes on the recumbant bike.  I feel like I've started on the long road back to recovery.  PT begins on Monday.  I hopes it's not more painful than last time.

Drug Free

On day two, I am drug free, other than for sleeping at night.  I took a shower last night and got to look at my new scars.  A little bigger / longer, but the bone looks awesome!  Yippie!!!  I feel great.  So much less pain this time.  So I have to be even better.  And I will, I promise.

Take Two

My wonderful doctor, Dr. Marcus Cook at Perry Orthopedics, performed a miracle for me yesterday.  He was able to redo my original surgery successfully and he didn't even have to re-drill through the bone.  What does this mean?  Less pain and hopefully another good result, as long as I'm good that is.

The recovery so far has been soooooooooo different this time.  I'll share more later.  Typing with one hand, it being the left, is annoying.

11 week, 6 days to go!

Carbon 29er

Today at work, at the Trek Store here in Charlotte, I got to ride a Gary Fisher 29er in a 15.5.  I was worried I would be too small.  Turns out the bike felt small.  I like to be really stretched out when I ride.  But it had such a tiny stem that it felt too upright.  Otherwise the bike was awesome.

So now I have to decide: do I get a longer stem?  Do I try a 17.5?  Or do I order a 16.5 WSD (women's specific design) bike?  Hmm, I'll have to think on that...

Just Waiting

The past week or so hasn't been very exciting, unless you count my xmas shopping.  I feel like I'm in a holding pattern, just waiting for surgery day.  Then I get to begin rebuilding again.  Three more days...

In the meantime I do get to ride a Gary Fisher carbon 29er hardtail in a 15.5 this weekend to see if it fits me.  So at least I'll have the bike decision sorted by the time I go under on Monday.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Not So Free

I guess I won't miss my PT lady that much.  I'll be seeing her again soon as it turns out.  While I've been absent from the blog, up in Jersey and the Boston area visiting family, my shoulder has begun to ache.  And at night it feels like I just had surgery the day before, without meds.  Awesome.

So today, I went to see the doc again.  He confirmed what I suspected.  The clavicle bone that popped up is rubbing on my shoulder bone.  Ouch!  This was the one issue, other than the cosmetic bump, that could happen.

Am I upset?  Not really.  At least it's still 2010.  If this pain had started next year, I would totally freak out.  In this case, I'm trying to look on the bright side.  At least I can have it fixed now and not have it cost thousands of dollars more since we've met that out of pocket max.

My poor husband will have to go back to working from home and taking care of me and the toddler.  Fun, fun.

I promise to be good, wear my sling, and be extra careful with my shoulder.

The doc has his work cut out for him.  He's going to try to go in through the scope again, disassemble the device in my shoulder, carve out all the scar tissue, and try to rebuild the device, with new parts of course.  If that doesn't work, he'll cut a 6 inch hole in my shoulder, cut through my deltoid muscle (which will never be the same), saw off the tip of my clavicle, and then tie a tendon graft around the two bones.

And you know what....I'm still bike shopping!  No, not really.  But I've already figured that I should be able to ride again March 1rst.  Lucky me!

Free

I was released from PT yesterday.  It feels weird.  I think I'll miss the girl that worked on my shoulder.  She did a good job.  Am I 100%?  No.  My rotator cuff range of motion is probably only about 85% and the rest of my shoulder range is about 95%.  It's not bad considering how the I broke the device the doctor implanted in my shoulder and the bone popped up again.  But it still sucks.  Oh and the little device is still totally sticking up under my skin and still driving me nuts.  I see the doctor again on 12/1 to figure out how to fix that.

So what am I doing now?  Bike shopping!  Yippie.  Decisions, decisions.  Due to my amazing sponsorship, I'm definitely staying in the Trek/GF family and am looking at carbon race bikes.  Do I stick with the Top Fuel 9.9 full suspension, or do I go for the Superfly Elite 29er hardtail?

Isn't it funny that I've had both in the past and am still having trouble deciding?

What's Strange?

You know what's strange?  After a week or so of riding my shoulder is sore.  Not so strange huh?  It doesn't hurt while I ride, just the next morning and next day and next night.  And while I've been away from the gym, enjoying the trails, I've been neglecting my shoulder exercises and weight lifting.

Yesterday afternoon my shoulder was killing me.  So I decided not to ride and instead went to the gym and took a spin class.  After class, I spent almost an hour doing my shoulder exercises and lifting weights.  I increased all my weights and even added bench press.  How does my shoulder feel today?  Fantastcic!  In fact even last night, right after the gym, it felt great.

So even though I'm happy to be riding again, I'm going to need to dedicate at least four or five days a week to weight lifting.  I think it's time to buy some dumb bells.  Ooh, xmas wish list...

I Couldn't Do It

I went back to the scene of the accident again this afternoon.  The section of trail where I crashed was finally open.  The sun was blinding as I attempted the little rocky climb up to the drop that I crashed on.  When I got to the top, I stopped and looked.  I had no where near enough speed to roll through the middle that day.  What was I thinking?  That guy that stopped on the left totally blocked the only line!  It made me mad all over again.

So I backed up, tried to ride it, and I stopped again.  I totally chickened out.  Maybe next time...  So sad.

Joy = Speed

After two days off the bike, just taking spinning classes at the gym, I rode outside again today.  I went to Sherman Branch, an awesome local trail with amazing flow and swoopy hills.  The first lap (about 11 miles) was just kind of eh.  The second started better, which is normal for me.  But by the end of the second lap, maybe the last 15 minutes, I found that joy in mountain biking again.  Oh and I found my speed.  Coincidence?  I think not!

Back to the Scene

Of the crime?  No, of the accident.  Sunday afternoon I headed out to the Whitewater Center to do a few laps and face the little drop that caused such huge damage to my body.

And how was it?  CLOSED!!!  Apparently that section of trail has been closed for months.  Hmm.  I've been off the bike for months.  Weird.

Anyway, I had a good ride.  Definitely got a shot of the reality of how weak and out of shape I am.  On Friday I rode for just over one hour, on Saturday I rode for just over two hours, and on Sunday I rode for just over three hours.  And my legs / quads were burning, a good burn of course.  Maybe three days of riding in a row after taking almost three months off wasn't such a good idea.  Huh?

So I didn't get to face that little fateful spot, but I did get to ride with a great group of friends that held my hand the entire way.  Thanks!

Dirt Divas Year End Party

Our year end party is held at Anne Springs Close Greenway.  The trail there is almost 10 miles long and has some good climbing and fun downhills.  I rode with the advanced group as a sweep.  And boy did I sweep.  We did one lap in each direction and my legs burned.  My lungs were suffering too, but not as much as my quads.

It was a great ride.  I was definitely spent by the end after over two hours of riding.  I messed up on a couple things, but no falls or crashes.  And the borrowed 10 ton hardtail did it's job.

The party was a great success, and hubby and kid came out to enjoy the food and festivities.  As a city, Charlotte has two great attributes.  One, it has 10 local mountain bike trails in and around the city.  Two, it has a huge community of mountain bikers, with both a men's and women's club.

Tomorrow I plan to pick a full suspension Trek EX-8 from a co-worker at the Trek Store and re-visit the Whitewater Center where I had my accident.

Drum Roll Please

I can ride!  I am not only cleared to ride by the doc, but my shoulder works.  And get this, I didn't have some pain, or just a little pain.  I have no pain at all.  I mean none, ZERO!  That's crazy to me.

Today I rode two 5.5ish mile laps at Francis Beatty Park.  I had planned on trying a smooth course my first ride back.  But time in the day ran out and I had to ride local.  So I ended up at the rooty-est, most detested course in Charlotte.  It's where I learned to ride and love the roots, so what the heck.

And how was it?  Totally fine.  No pain, no odd feeling.  I was a little scared, a little nervous.  But is was no big deal.  No pain at all, really.  I type it here and I've said it so many times out loud and yet it's still so hard to believe.

I took it a little easy on my first lap and then chased some guys on my second lap.  I know, I'm dumb, but old habits die hard.

So I guess I'm okay.  I mean my shoulder is okay.  I can pick up my kid, I can ride my bike.  What else is there, right?

Tomorrow is the Dirt Diva / Tarheel Trailblazer Year End Party and I will get a chance to ride a long course with some good climbs and real descents in a group setting.  We'll see how that goes.  Wish me luck...

Go Ahead

That's what the doc said.  Just go ahead and ride.  Like he's sick of saying no already.

I went to see him today cuz the little device that he implanted popped up when the bone popped up again.  I was hoping it would settle down, but it hasn't.  It's like a small pin that sticks up under my skin and irritates me to no end.  Late in the day it feels like it's burning.  I showed it to the doc and he said he can't remove it yet because it's not totally healed and won't be for six month.  In December he can do an in office procedure to cut me open and shave it down....fun, fun!

I told him I was still leaning towards having surgery again in December anyway.  He said he thinks I'll be fine and doesn't recommend it.  To sway me to his side, he said go ahead and ride and really test my shoulder for the next few weeks and come back and see him on December 1rst and make a decision.

Okay, sounds good.  Now of course it's raining...and we don't ride wet trails in Charlotte.  Oh and I don't have a bike.  I better get busy.  The trails will dry out soon!

Nutrition, Diet and Peanut M&M's

Here's what I remember about food from my childhood:

going to the farmer's market every Saturday (it was cheaper and better, I was told)

homemade fresh squeezed juices

no sugary cereals allowed

lots of oatmeal and kasha

watermelon, cantaloupe, & honeydew were dessert treats

yogurt was a snack

cottage cheese and farmer's cheese were staples

honey was a sweetener

drinking lots of hot tea

buying french bread and croissants at Vie de France

getting fresh tortillas and chips at a hole in wall Mexican restaurant to bring home

shopping at Trader Joe's

buying deli meat, cheese and bread at a real Italian deli

eating entire avocados

lots of fish, tuna, etc.

'salt will make you blind'

'butter is gross'

'for the cost of a McD burger, I could make four burgers at home!'

'if you're going to eat candy it better be chocolate, preferably Toblerone, not that sugary crap'

we never ate kids meal, always shared our parent's food

I was lucky, really, really lucky I think.  My mother was all about organic and whole foods before there were even such terms.  I learned to appreciate food for how it tasted naturally and loved it.  I grew up healthy and never had any weight issues or problems with eating.

I had my first Twinkie at 22 and learned to appreciate french fries.  But still I stuck to my mainly healthy diet.  It's been easy for me.  When I've gained a little weight, I've worked out a little more and eaten a little less.  When I'm in Italy or Paris, I eat everything is sight, cuz I know I can work it off easily.  I know I'm lucky.

The first time I had to really pay attention to nutrition was when I was training for my first marathon.  I added long (12-17 mile) runs to my work-out, but then would still head to the gym to take my favorite step or spin class and lift weights.  Looking back that sounds nuts, but hey, that's me.  It took a large amount of food to keep me going in those months and since I don't cook, I had to get really creative.  That's when I first learned about gu...yum!

Mountain biking, both riding and racing, required a totally different perspective on nutrition for me.  When I was running and going to the gym, I had to fuel my body, but my stomach had to be almost empty for at least two hours before a workout to avoid cramps and an upset stomach.

Riding allowed me not only to eat right before and during a ride but also hydrate which was quite novel.  I don't have any secrets to share.  I do the usual, bagels with peanut butter, or Cliff protein bar before a ride, and then gu's along the way.

On a little gu note, I love, love, love the Accel Gels.  They 5g of protein in them and I have found that they last much longer than any other gu's I've tried.  And the flavors are all awesome, for a gu that is.

Anyway, the one food I never ride without is peanut M&M's.  I actually did take a few months off and it hurt me.  Turns out I'm faster, have more umph, and happier with my favorite candy.  Oh and if you really want to know the details.  I bite each peanut M&M in half, only through the candy shell and chocolate, and eat the one half that the nut ends up in.  I throw away the other all chocolate halves.  That's the nut / chocolate ratio that works for me!

Pump It Up

No, not really.  But I did start my 'strengthening' portion of rehab with....2 pound weights!  Awesome, right?  My therapist said I shouldn't complain, she was supposed to start me with 1 pound.  Nice.  Anyway, even the little we did felt great.  I'm also doing rotator cuff exercises with a band.  And I can do my exercises twice a day.

So after PT yesterday, I went to the gym, rode the stepmill, and then lifted weights....ha ha.  Their smallest weight was 5 pounds, so I went with that.  I also did curls and tri's with 10 pounds.

Am I sore today, yes, good sore, not shoulder pain sore.  But last night I had some shooting pains at the outside of my shoulder.  I think that's what doc #3 warned me about.  So I'm going to keep track of these odd pains and keep pushing my shoulder like he told me.

I have to admit, something doesn't feel quite right.  My instinct after this one little work-out is to get the shoulder fixed right.  But I'm still keeping my mind open.  I have another month or so to work it out, physically and mentally.

Third Opinion

Since our United Healthcare 'out of pocket max' is reached for the year, I decided to go see yet another doc about my shoulder.  Fresh eyes couldn't hurt, not when it's free.  This guy made me feel a little better cuz he said the modified Weaver-Dunn procedure that I had has a high fail rate.  So maybe it's not all me.  But still, I'm sure it's mostly me.

Anyway, after taking about 6 x-rays and torquing my shoulder a bit he gave me his opinion.  My collar bone is stiff.  This is a good thing, if it stays stiff.  In my case it may be a bad thing.  When the collar bone loosens up, it may cause pain.  Because mine is so stiff I may not know if it will cause pain for up to a year.  This doesn't help in deciding whether to have surgery in the next two months.

His advice:

1. Schedule surgery for December, just to 'save the date.'  Love that, sounds so romantic! 

2.  At the end of November go out and push your shoulder as much as you can and see if it bother you.  Then decide.

Awesome!  See my crazy idea isn't so crazy.  Apparently it's medically sound. 

This new doc was recommended to me by a friend.  Actually this doc has fixed up about a dozen of my mountain biking friends.  Wish I got his name when I had the accident.  Oh well.

I'm feeling good that I got the green light to go out and ride in a month or so.  And I've lined up a great bike to borrow.  Just 4.5 weeks to go.

Look, Both Hands

I know, not the usual thing you brag about.  But it felt soooooo good!  Tonight during spin class, I held the handbars with both hands.  Not applying any real weight of course as that would be cheating.  Still, just the grip and eveness in my body was awesome.  It's funny the little things that we appreciate when everything is taken away form us.

Neglect

I've been kind of absent for a while.  In my free computer time, I have been scouring the internet about shoulder separations, surgery, non surgery, screwed up surgery, riding after rehab, pain, etc.  So I've been neglecting my blog.

And what have I learned?  A good amount actually.  I've found that most people do not have surgery to correct a 3rd degree separation, whereas everyone who had a 5th degree did.  Of those with a 3rd degree that had surgery, everyone was going great.  Most said their repaired shoulder was much stronger than their other.  That made me sad, cuz I could have had that.  Instead I screwed my perfect repair up.

For those with a 3rd degree that let it heal naturally there was a mixed bag of results.  Some were fine, little pain, 90% strength and ROM.  Others ended up having surgery later due to pain,  loss of ROM, loss of strength, grinding, clicking, feeling of 'marbles' in their shoulder, etc.

I'm really torn.  The bills continue to pile up on my desk.  I called the insurance co and they confirmed that another surgery would be completely free to me, in fact he encouraged it.  How crazy is that?  But 12 more weeks of recovery when today I feel okay seems silly.  I hate that I have so little time to decide.

So I'm sticking with my plan of waiting the full 12 weeks post op and then testing my shoulder.  We'll see what the doc says on 11/19.  The PT lady thought my plan was a bit crazy, duh.  She said to tell the doc, and I will. 

Next week will be uneventful.  Still working on ROM.  The following week I finally move on to strengthening the area.  I am so looking forward to rebuilding some muscle.  The entire area surrounding my shoulder in atrophied from my trapezoid to my tri, bi, and chest muscles.

Otherwise I feel okay.  Still haven't forgiven myself to screwing up my perfect surgery, but I suppose that will come...in a few decades.

My Crazy Plan

Only I could come up with this.  Are you ready?  Sitting down?  No food or hot liquids in your mouth?

Okay.

On November 26th I will be 12 weeks post op.  Done with PT, and fully recovered.  Or so they say.  That day I will be up North visiting family for Turkey Day, so not in a position to ride.  But who knows, I've rented mountain bikes in Aruba, so why not the northeast.

Anyway, I know the doc said he'd prefer that I take 6 months off from mountain biking, and start road biking at 12 weeks, but playing in traffic doesn't appeal to me.  And I need to know that my shoulder works on the trails.

So I'm thinking when I get home that first weekend in December, I'm going to go for a ride.  I plan to start on a gravel road / greenway for a warm-up and then hit some smoothish single track.  No downhills, or huge drops, but definitely some roots and rock, just to see how the shoulder reacts and feels.

I know this seems dangerous and perhaps too much too soon.  But with only three working weeks left in the year, I'll need to know that my shoulder is okay.

The bills from my surgery have started coming in this week.  Let's just say I could have purchased a top of line racing bike or small car with the out of pocket cost for my procedure (which I screwed up, let's not forget that!).

Now that I've met that magic number (read annual out of pocket max), no more medical bills.  So if my shoulders not working, I want to have the option to have that 2nd surgery for free.

See I'm crazy, or the plan's crazy, or both, let's go with both.

Now I just need to find a bike.  Hmm...

Done Wallowing

Or at least I think I'm done.  I'm better today, much better.  It's amazing what a tiny bit of endorphins will do for ya...

21 mile spin class at 6pm last night.  24 mile spin class at 9:30am this morning.  All better!  It's not road riding, and it's definitely not mountain biking, but it's as good as it gets for me today, right now.

Oh and PT at 11am this morning.  The spin class apparently warmed up my muscles and increased all my ROM.  I am back to where I was pre-re-injury (yes I do get to make up words) with the bonus of that lovely, let's make that sexy bump.

Doc put me back on the original PT schedule, so no loss of time due to the re-injury.  What's next?  I guess it's time to start thinking about the future.

Keeping Me Sane

I'm not doing well.  Not sure why.  I should be happy or at least okay, right?  My re-injury doesn't require surgery and that is the best outcome.  But I still feel so unhappy, really miserable actually.  And still mad that I screwed this up.  It doesn't help that the bills have started coming in from the surgeon and the hospital, and, and, and.

So I thought today, I'd share my one happiness, he's little, but pretty powerful.  He can bring me out of madness and sadness, and make me smile so much it hurts.

This is Jack...

Yeah, I know it's not a baby blog, I have one of those too.  But I figured you'd rather see pictures of my kid (in a bike shirt) than hear about me crying because I can't deal with that fact I screwed up my surgery.

Okay, time to gather myself and get ready for spin class...

Wish I Had Started Earlier

No not blogging, ha....mountain biking.  Check out this sweet ride Custom Pro Trek Top Fuel.  It belongs to Emily Batty, a 21 y/o pro.  The one piece handle bar/stem really caught my eye.  And the thinner carbon frame matched to her weight is pretty awesome too.  I thought my thinner I9 spokes matched to my weight were cool, but this bike made me drool.

If the stars had aligned just a little differently, I could have started mountain biking earlier.  Hubby taught me to ride while we were in our 2nd round of dating in 2005.  But we met in 1987, when I was just 14.  He was a little older and started riding that year.  So if we had stayed together and not taken a lovely 17 year hiatus, I would have started riding when I was just a kid.  Screw UCLA and my stupid chemical engineering degree that really helps me change diapers now.  I could have been a pro mountain biker.  Well not really.

But when you're stuck on the recumbant bike for 90 minutes each day, your mind tends to wander.  Tomorrow night I'm going to venture back into a spinning class, with one arm of course.  I think I'm ready to try again.  Since the re-injury I haven't taken a day off the gym, but have stuck to the recumbant bike to be safe.  I know I'm a dork.  But I've got to do something.  I can't be buying new clothes!  Must save money for new bike!!!

Decision

I wish I had written this right after I saw the doc yesterday.  Then I felt good about my decision, settled, comfortable.  Now after a day and night to lay awake and think, I 'm tired and my head hurts, and I have doubts.

My appointment went as expected.  Doc was surprised and impressed with how well my re-injured shoulder is healing.  He doesn't recommend surgery again.  If I do have rubbing and pain, it will not be for decades, so finish rehab and get back to your life.  Get rid of the sling he says.  Cool, right?  I should be happy, thrilled even.

So why am I so sad?  I think it stems from my childhood...ha ha!  Seriously though, I was a weird kid, totally OCD, still am actually, nerd, straight A student, teacher's pet, and a bit of a perfectionist.

And now I am being told that having a half ass fix of my shoulder is a good idea, or the best outcome considering the circumstances.  Although I agree, it does not sit well, not for me.  I don't do things half ass, I do them right, I try my best to do them well. 

I'm bummed that the best decision is to leave my shoulder alone and let it be screwed up.  And then of course I blame myself.  Why did I have to screw up a perfect surgery.  But before I re-injured my shoulder, I was mad at myself for crashing.  I guess no matter what, I will always find something to be mad at myself about.  Wonderful!

...

A dozen of my good friends are riding Warrior Creek today.  I did a six hour race there for the first time last April.  That was early in the season for me after a very cold wet winter, I think I got 5th out of 16.  And I was pretty disappointed.  I didn't know the course well, but still had a blast!  It was so much fun.

Next April's race registration is already closed and I didn't sign up.  Again sad.  I don't think I'll be ready by then.  But if I am, I might get lucky and buy someone's entry that is unable to race like I did last year (thanks Bobbie).  So yeah, a twinkle of hope still remains...

PT's Back on Track

I was so happy to see my normal PT lady today.  She was sad, I could tell.  She said she's always been worried about me.  I was healing too quickly, I had no pain, no fear, no tension, too much range of motion.  Her worst fears were realized.  I screwed up my surgery...

But even she was pleasantly surprised at my range of motion and lack of pain today.  Wait, is it happening again???  Feeling too good too soon.  It's so hard to remember I have this huge injury and strange device in my shoulder that's just holding on by less than a thread at this point!  Someone really needs to tie me down or something. 

The PT lady and I talked for a while going over my options, the new surgery, the insurance aspects of my decision.  She really wants to take a wait and see approach and hopes for a good result without further surgery.  She's also open to scheduling surgery that last week in December if things don't go well so there would be no further out of pocket costs. 

That's two months from now.  I feel like I've lost three weeks with my re-injury.  I can't lose eight more.  But I may not have a choice.  We'll see what the doc says tomorrow morning...

Trek Women's Demo

As part of my awesome Trek Mountain Co-op Sponsorship this year, I was given a generous budget to host two group rides.  In August, a few weeks before my accident, I hosted a skills clinic at Renaissance Park with 29 attendees. 

It was a great night with lots of fun and learning for all.

Last night, I held my second group ride at North Meck Park in conjunction with a Trek Women's demo night and some good food provided by the Trek Store Charlotte and Cool Breeze Cyclery.  We had 36 demo bikes go out on the trails and on the road.  It was an amazing turnout and very rewarding, even with my arm in a sling :)!

I love that my Trek sponsorship not only supports me, but also allows me to help provide cool opportunities for other bikers, and especially women in my area.  Thanks Trek!  I will get back on a bike soon, I promise!!!

Who are you?

After taking a week of from PT to rest my re-injured shoulder, I went back today.  I was looking forward to my appointment.  I really wanted to hear what the lady had to say, get her thoughts on the situation, surgery, no surgery, etc.  Instead I got about 1/3 of her assistant who was also helping two other patients at the same time as me.  Grr.  I've never gotten stuck with the assistant before.  Not sure what I did to deserve 1/3 of her attention now?  But the head lady was out today.  So all I got was 'let's see what she says Thursday.'  Awesome!

Tomorrow I promise a better post, a positive post, some good news, pictures even!  Really...

Some Days...

...I really just wish I could put my hair back in a pony tail without my husband's help, put on my bra all by myself, get dresses alone, and roll around on the grass with my kid.  Those are lofty goals.

Today, just 30 minutes away, all my friends are racing in the Tree Shaker.  Some are on teams, some solo, some for 6 hours, some for 12.  Last year I think I won the 6 hour race, maybe, let me check....  Yup, I did.  I was also nursing at the time, so 6 hours was as long as I could go back then.  It was fun.  I love long races.  I was looking forward to this one again.  The temps are cooler, everyone is a little mellower in the fall.  Sigh.

So today, I wish I could do all those little things AND race.

My shoulder is feeling better.  The pain is subsiding or I'm getting used to it.  A tiny bit of range of motion is returning so I do see that glimmer of hope.  I'm still leaning towards not having surgery again, but keeping an open mind to what the doc says on Friday.  With almost $30k in medical bills for this accident, we have met our out of pocket max.  So if I do need to have surgery again, we have to do it before the end of the year. 

And, so I can race next year.

Good luck to all the Tree Shakers out there today.  I'm with you in spirit!

The Picture

It doesn't look that bad, does it?  So cosmetically I think I could live with the bump.  It seems like the scars will stand out more than the bump.  I'm hoping that the droopy shoulder will get a little better once I rebuild some muscle.  But the loss of range of motion scares me the most.  The doc says it will return when the swelling goes down, and the pain subsides.  I'm still waiting.

I'll have PT Tuesday and Thursday next week and see the doc Friday.  I hope by then I'll be able to decide whether I should have surgery again.  I have lots of new questions for the doctor...

What's holding the bone in place now?  How strong is it?  What degree tear do I have now?  Which ligaments are holding the bone?  What condition is the rig in?

We'll see what he says and what he advices.

I'm trying to be good, so have been wearing my sling and sleeping in it again.  Instead of spinning classes or the step-mill, I have been relegated the recumbent bike for an hour each day.  None of this will matter if I have surgery again, but I'm still hoping for the best.

Hopes of riding again in 2010 seem to be slipping away.  Boo!

As Expected...

It was the worse.  After two x-rays, the doc confirmed that yes, I had broken the stitches that were holding the device and grafts together.  The stitches would have dissolved or broken normally around 12 weeks when the grafts would have been strong enough to take over.  At four weeks, they were not, thus the pain, the lifted bone, the loss of motion.  Awesome!

The doc was upset, but also disappointed.  'I told you to take it easy.'  'I know, I know, my daughters are 6 and 9.'  He wanted to brag about how well he did on my shoulder.  Such a perfect fix, so symmetrical, so smooth.  Darn, poor doc!

My choices...

1. Let it heal as it is, start PT again next week and see how things go for the next few months.  The downfall being mostly cosmetic as I will have the bump above my shoulder where the bone sticks out and back a bit (but not as bad as right after the accident) and I will have a slightly droopy shoulder (I'll try to post a pic when I can stop crying).  Oh yeah, and on the non cosmetic side, as I regain motion, the displaced bone may start to rub on another bone and cause severe pain requiring surgery again.  Goodie!

2.  Schedule another surgery.  This time he cannot do it through the scope as he has to dig out the device he installed, cut off some bone, and use the nuts and bolts method.  Yippie!

Such wonderful choices!  And what did I do to deserve this you ask???  Shuffle run, walk into a wall, pick up a huge 2 y/o?  Well the doctor thinks it's mostly the kid.  But in general that I overdid it.  Because I had no pain, and too much range of motion, I did too much, including lifting the baby when hubby returned to working from the office this past week.  Needless to say, he's working from home again now.

I am taking two weeks to think about it...letting all the info digest while trying to keep thoughts of cashing in my life insurance policy out of my head.

Advice, words of wisdom?  Ha ha!  I say this to my two readers.  Love you guys!

My Luck!

Doc had emergency surgery this afternoon, my 2pm appointment was cancelled, so I won't get to see him till tomorrow morning.  Another long, long day!

The Worst

Something terrible has happened.  I am writing it although I have told no one, other than hubby and my doctor, because honestly no one reads this.  Anyway...  I am pretty sure I have seperated my shoulder again.  Not sure how or when, but the bone is sticking up again, although not as high, the pain is severe, and my range of motion has been cut by more than half.

Last night when I figured this out I cried for an hour.  I can't believe this is happening.  And I really don't know what I did.  I was feeling great, weeks ahead in PT, and almost back to normal, although no riding of course.  I don't think it was my shuffle jog.  Walking into the wall at preschool may have done it.  Or perhaps just sleeping without the sling Thursday and Friday night.  But I was at four weeks, it was supposed to be okay. 

Friday morning I took Jack to the park and all went well.  Getting him into and out of the swing was tough.  But I didn't hear a pop or click, or feel any severe pain.  Saturday morning I took the usual spin class and then chaperoned my step-daughter on a date, ie. I shopped while she went to the movies.  Could I have injured my shoulder in the sale racks?

Hubby thinks I just overdid it in general.  But it's tough to be calm and take it easy with a strong willed 2 y/o.

Needless to say I am a mess.  The thought of starting over is beyond daunting.  But leaving my shoudler as it is would be worse.  All last week I was so excited for this Tuesday's check-up with the doc.  I couldn't wait to show him how I could lift my arm above my head.  Now I struggle to bring in below shoulder level.  This is bad, really bad.

I am going to see the doc tomorrow afternoon and forsee another surgery in my future.  And another four weeks to get to where I was a few days ago.  Mountain biking seems to be slipping away, and that's the least of my worries.

I Can Run Again!

Today I missed the gym, but had about an hour to get a workout outside while the baby napped.  I planned to go for a walk and maybe do some squats and lunges.  So I went outside and out of habit ran up the driveway.  Wait, I'm not supposed to run for another eight weeks.  Oops.

It felt okay, so I held my right arm tight to my chest to try to immobilize my shoulder and ran for 3.5 miles.  It was great, not a true run, more of a fast shuffle run cuz I tried not to bounce much, but still it was awesome.  I can run again, yippee!  Baby steps remember. 

Finally

Today at PT, I rode a stationary bike with my hands.  Ooh, I know you're jealous and yes I did feel like I was 104 years old.  But you know, it also felt kind-of good.  I arm pedaled backwards and forwards for 10 minutes and got a good work-out, for my shoulder.  Then I finally got to do some new exercises, but only cuz I saw another lady recovering from shoulder surgery a month ahead of me doing them last week.  So I showed the PT lady I could do those and she actually let me.  Yippee.  After this session, I was a little sore, I was in pain, and it felt good.

After PT, I went to the gym and rode the step mill at level 150 until I had to stop.  I felt even better.

Later as I was walking out of preschool with the baby, I turned back because the teacher was saying something and walked my shoulder right into the corner of the wall, hard.  It knocked the wind out of me, and I actually had to feel my shoulder with my hand to make sure the bone hadn't popped out of place.

All is well.  But it sure did scare me.  My clumsiness may bite me in the but here.  I just need to make it to 12 weeks post op for all the 'stuff' to heal.

Going Nowhere Slow

I was so excited for today's PT session.  I was finally moving on, moving onto the next phase of my therapy.  And what happens?  The therapist had me move my arm all the way up over my head and do one new rotator cuff exercise.  Ugh!  I've been doing this for over a week on my own, everyday.

I so want to make some progress, do more, feel like I'm getting somewhere.  But no, we need to take it slow.  I'm pulling my hair out.  In the meantime, I'm going to the gym each day, twice today, taking spinning classes, and losing weight.  The 32 pound baby is not a problem anymore.  When do I get to be me again?

I'm Mean & I Figured It Out

Ever since my accident, it's been dry, cool, perfect riding weather.  I hate it, I'm jealous, I admit it.  But after a month of this little drought, it's been raining in Charlotte for the past two days.  My grass is happy, my bushes are smiling, my trees are in a great mood.  And me, I'm really loving it too.  Why?  Cuz no one else can ride either!  I know, that's mean, sorry.  But it makes me feel better.

And I think I figured out the weird gym thing.  There's a lady next to me tonight doing these funky abductor excercises.  And it hit me.  She's working on her abs for her abs, just her abs.  Nothing else.  When I mountain bike, I work on every single part of my body without thinking about any one of them for even a second.  I focus on the thrill, the burn, the pure joy.  There's no joy in crunches.

Anyway, the gym is good for me now and I really appreciate being able to do something, but I am so ready to get back on the bike.

Tiny Progress

This morning I took my third spin class and even rode for a while without my sling.  I couldn't put much pressue on my arm, more out of fear than pain.  But still it felt good to just hold onto handlebars.  After class I did bicep curls and tri's.  I'm doing anything I can to maintain some muscle tone.

I felt so good this afternoon that I spent almost two hours washing the bamboo floors in my entire house, with both hands on my knees.  I know this sounds stupid, but it made me so happy.

Now, I can pcik up my 32 pound son and put my hair in a pony tail.  Silly, small progress, but progress.

I see a mountain bike on a greenway in my near future, not real mountain biking, but baby steps on the way back to the trails.

Just Go Faster

Today I was asked to write a short cycling bio that included some advice.  So what did I write?  Just go faster.  It's the first thing that came to my mind.  But then after I hit send, I thought about it...  Do I still believe it?  Can I still live by it, ride by it?

I remember when I was first learning to ride, hubby told me everything gets easier with speed.  And it turns out it was true, so true.

But when I get back on the bike in a few months, will I have the confidence to speed through the roots, rocks, bumps, jumps.  I feel hesitant already.  To be honest, the longer I'm off the bike, the more leery I get about getting back on.  Will I ever get back to 100%, or 110% like in a race?

The whole six months off the bike that the doc told me about on Tuesday is really sinking in.  Although I can't imagine I'll really have to take that much time off.  PT is going well.  In a week and a half I had all my range of motion back (which was supposed to take 4 weeks).  So the next two and a half weeks are just going through the motions until I can start strengthening the joint and muscles.

I may fast forward through rehab, but I'll have to remember my own advice when I get back on the bike.

Spinning Might Be Good For Me

Today I took a spinning class for the first time in about four years.  Sad to say, it kicked my butt.  Just weeks ago I was ready to mountain bike for 50 miles and over five hours.  Today 40 minutes on a spinning bike in a gym wore me out.  Ouch!  That's embarrassing, but true.

The teacher was young, had great legs, and a really fake smile.  The musics was decent.  And the bikes have come a long way in a few years.  My new gym has Kaiser bikes with little computers displaying RPM, kcal, watts, and resistance.  I have to admit, it was nice having a gauge.

I remember when I started mountain biking, I was taking spinning classes 5-6 days a week.  Mountain biking required skills I didn't have, but the cardio part was so easy.  I was able to stand and cycle for most of the ride.  Now after years of only mountain biking and running, I'm not sure that I'm stronger.  I have more skills, but are my legs and lungs stronger?  Not sure.

So, wearing my rose colored glasses, I'm thinking spinning might be good for my mountain biking.  I guess we'll see when I get back on the real bike and race again....soon.  Well maybe not soon.

Today the doc said he'd like me to take 6 months off mountain biking.  What?!?  Oh, but I'm welcome to start road biking in 3 months.  Are you kidding?  I'm not a roadie and have no interest in playing in traffic.

I'm trying to stay positive.  My range of motion is weeks ahead of where it should be.  I'm back to my pre accident weight.  I'm working out every day and even lifting light weights with my right had.  Think good thoughts...

Gyms Are Strange / A Fitness Background

For the most part I've been pretty lucky.  I was a chubby baby, rolls on my leg rolls, and not much of a neck to speak of, but I leaned out in my grade school years, and my mom started me running and going to the gym before I hit double digits.

Today, I step-milled next to a really fit 27 y/o named Kelly.  We chatted, it made the time go by quickly.  Well, my whole 35 minutes before the childcare center closed.  She of course did an hour and 45 minutes at a speed almost twice mine.  Without thinking, I asked her if she was a gym rat or did something else.  She said gym rat and didn't seem offended.  That's so odd.  I looked around and really started thinking.  How many of these people are just here for their bodies?  I mean just how they look.  Okay maybe health too, but really to change or keep their figure.  They have no goal, no focus, no other reason to be there.  More reps, more weight, longer time on the step-mill.  I'm not saying that's bad or wrong.  It's just odd to me now.

But it shouldn't be odd. I was a gym rat for years, and loved it.  These are from Gold's Gym in Redondo Beach, CA in the early 90's.  Forgive the Pebbles Flinstone hair; I could never get a pony tail to stay in and hated the hair on my back.  And please appreciate the spandex and tall socks!  I have no shame.

I did aerobics, step classes, kick-boxing, spinning, free weights, and even the mind numbing machines for what seems like millions of years.  I did two 5k's in college.  In 2000 I ran my first half marathon as a fluke.  I couldn't walk for three days.  For the next three years, I ran the same half marathon on super bowl Sunday without a day of training, and paid for it each time.

In September of 2004 I started training for a marathon.  It got me out of the gym for the first time in my life.  I had almost 30 miles of strand between Huntington Beach and Newport Beach to run along.  I loved it, I mean really fell in love with life outside the gym.  I didn't stop going to the gym, just added awesome 17-21 miles runs a few times a week.  I ran my first marathon early that December and another in February just about a minute apart, 3:44 and 3:45, if I remember correctly.

On Valentine's Day of 2005, I drove across the country and moved to Charlotte.  That May I started mountain biking, and by the next Spring I gave up the gym after I did my first mountain bike race.  Mountain bike racing was nothing like the run races I'd done in the past.  Run races are you against your best time, or at least they were for me.  I was never elite, never going to win, that's even silly to type.  But mountain biking racing was different.  I was green, totally new, running my bike on the sections I didn't know how to ride and yet chasing the girls in front of me with everything I had.   I mean everything.  I went as fast as I could.  Worked harder in a hour and 20 minute bike race than I did in a marathon.  It was the best feeling.  The biggest high.  I was addicted immediately.  And have been ever since.

Now I am broken, back in the gym and hating life, well as much as you can with the most adorable 2 y/o ever.  And here are all these gym rats around me.  Are they athletes?  Do we have anything in common?  It sure doesn't feel like it.

Some day I will be back with my mountain biking friends, back with the Dirt Divas, maybe even racing with the guys again.  I will get another bike, I will ride again, I will race again.  And I will keep repeating this in my head until it comes true.

Physical Therapy Begins

Tuesday I had my first PT appointment.  Uh, what can I say.  It was weird.  Everyone in the waiting room was a bazillion years old and had trouble moving e-ver-e-thing!  Seriously they were pretty decrepit.  I'm not trying to be mean, sorry.  Here I am less than two weeks post surgery, helping people in and out of their chairs with one arm.

Anyway, the PT lady came recommended, seemed experienced, and was pretty and clean; important to me.  She was really pleased with my range of motion lifting my arm over my head and to the side.  No scar tissue at all.  But when it came to my rotator cuff, it was frozen solid.  So that was a bit scary.

I continue twice a week for the next month or so, passive PT only, where only the lady moves my arm.  I can't really say that with a two y/o I'm totally following doctor's orders, but I'm trying.

In my attempt to not run or bike for 12 weeks, I actually joined a gym this week.  That's so odd to me.  It's been almost 4 years since I've been a gym rat.  Although I have to admit I grew up in the gym.

I first joined Results in Torrance when I was 8.  It was bought out my Sports Connection.  Then I moved onto Gold's Gym until I got a good job and was able to afford the Spectrum Clubs in LA and Orange County before I moved to NC.

This week I joined Urban Active Fitness.  It's an awesome three story, cool, modern, and yes, clean gym; very reminiscent of the Spectrum Clubs in CA, just not as plush.

Riding the step-mill or stairway to hell as I affectionately call it, has totally lifted my spirits. I've even been doing squats, and tried biceps curls with both arms!  I know that sounds silly, but last week I was really down.  My weight was up, and I was hating life.  Now I'm going to the gym almost every day and feel so much better.  It's not mountain biking, but the sweat is so important. 

PT started and working on cardio at the gym. 2 weeks down, 10 to go.  I will ride again, I will race again...as soon as I get a new bike.

Bikes Of My Past

Am I really going to go through them all?  Hmm, well I did start to ride when I was 10, so that eliminates a ton of Huffies, but still, maybe that's too much.  I mean who really cares.  Well I do.  And I'm anal enough to want a complete list.  So here goes.

My first bike, which was purchased soon after my return from that year I spent in Kiev with my Aunt, was a gorgeous, dark purple 10 speed.   Don't recall the brand or model, but I loved it, I mean really loved that bike.  I grew up lower middle class and did not have all the latest clothes or toys, but I had a cool bike.  My step-dad would take me on long rides along the strand that seemed to last all day.  Those are some of the best memories from my childhood.  Although every time I rode I had a deadly fear that those skinny tires would get caught in a crack in the pavement, and I would fly over the handlebars.  It never happened of course.  But the fear still remains, 'til this day.  I have never ridden skinny tires since.

In 1995 I graduated from UCLA with a Chemical Engineering degree.  As a graduation gift to myself, I bought my first real bike.  I actually still have the receipt, wish I had a picture too, but sadly I do not.  I bought a GT mountain bike from a bike shop in Redondo Beach, CA.  I picked the bike for two reasons, big tires (that would not get stuck in the cracks) and the cool paint job - yellow and blue splatter (UCLA colors).  I know, I know.  But hey, I grew up in the 80's, what do you expect?  And did I do any mountain biking, nah, just rode on the strand in my bikini like I did on my 10 speed, but with less fear.

Fast forward a bunch of years and I find myself in Charlotte, NC with an eight year sentence.  The gyms suck!  There is no strand to run marathon distances along the beach like I did in Huntington.  The summer heat and bugs were awful, still are actually, and when it hit below 40 degrees, I was a wimp and didn't want to run outside.  I moved to Charlotte in February.  By May, I was completely miserable.  My boyfriend, and the reason I moved here, suggested mountain biking.  Huh?  Okay, whatever, I owed him a birthday present.  So off we went to the local bike shop.  Rod bought a Gary Fisher Rig in a dark purple reminiscent of my first bike.  It was awesome.  My choices were slim.  I bought a green Gary Fisher Cake III.  I think that was all they had in my size, which wasn't actually my size, but too big, but oh well, it was my first time spending what I thought at the time was a ton of money on a bike.

I could share the story of my first ride down the driveway, or learning to ride, but we'll save that for another post.  Instead, here's a picture of me on my first real mountain bike at a race in the Summer of 2006.  Note I have gym tights on and a little tank.  I resisted bike shorts for over a year, as I didn't want to wear a 'diaper.'

But my the end of the racing season, the second year I rode, I finally broke down and bought some cycle shorts.

Purple Tassels?  Yup, tassels. 

That was my nickname for years.  I bought them so that people would know that I was new on the trails and not run me over.  When I started racing they never came off and in fact were replaced dozens of times when I'd lose them in a crash.  They became my signature.  It got funnier and finnier as I would overhear guys cursing that they got passed by 'Tassels!'  So yeah, I kept them on.

By the middle of 2006, a few months after I started racing, I was talked into needing a better, lighter bike that actually fit me.  So I bought a black Titus RacerX 100.  I upgraded to purple I9 wheels (to match the purple tassels) and a SID fork with a handlebar lock-out.  It was a great bike at the time and really improved my confidence.

I even raced it in the cold in the Winter Series in 2007.

As I became more active in the Dirt Divas and rode and raced with more girls, everyone began to notice that I always stand when I climb, and for most of the time I ride.  They always asked why I had a full suspension.  So it made me think about it...  Drop the rear suspension, lose a few pounds, climb faster, no more bouncing wheel behind me.  It was almost too good to be true, so why not.  Let's try a hardtail.

At the same time I wanted to compete in a 12 hour race in the single speed category.  So I built up a silver Soma single speed bike.  I put my Fox fork and CrossMax SL wheels from my Titus on it and had a nice little bike.  I really enjoyed the pure riding of a single speed for fun rides, although when I raced in cross country I still needed gears.

At the same time, a funky local bike shop owner, who built up the Soma for me, really wanted to get me on a 29er.  I had always thought at 5'3" I was way too short.  But he said we could go custom, custom Ti in fact.  Cool.  So my next bike was a Ti Willets 29er, with purple custom I9 wheels to match my weight, and a carbon lefty fork.  She was really sweet.  The laid back Ti seat post gave me all the flex I needed and that bike just floated on the trails.  I picked her up on December 24, 2007.  The next day, I found out I was pregnant.  So it was almost a year later before I was really able to open her up.  I rode 5-6 days a week during my pregnancy, sometimes, 2 hours per day, but still not at race pace, except for the few times I raced, but again, another post.

That funky local bike shop owner sold his shop a few years later and left me hanging without someone in Charlotte that could service my bike.  Huge bummer.

By a chance meeting last winter, I found out about the new Trek Bicycle Store in Charlotte.  They welcomed me to their local cycling team with open arms, nominated me to be a Trek Mountain Co-op athlete, and even offered me a part time job.  Too cool!  So, my next bike was a Trek Top Fuel 9.9SSL, fully carbon, full suspension, and 26 inch wheels.  When I change it up, I really change it up.  I bought the bike sight unseen.  I was nervous.  I'll be honest.  But from the first ride, I loved it.  I know, stock bike, 26 inch wheels, full suspension.  So weird.  But it was awesome.  Clearly suspension has come a long way since I bought my Titus in 2006.  This was a great bike, at a great time.  I enjoyed my part time work at the shop.  I loved selling bikes to kids.  And Trek really took care of me and my bike.  It was, and still is, a great situation.

Sadly, I did sell my Top Fuel bike to pay for my shoulder surgery, but I know I'll figure something out soon.  I'm about 1.5 weeks into my 12 week recovery program and doing well.  So stay tuned for my next bike...

How Did You Learn To Ride A Bike?

I don't remember training wheels or tricycles?  I did have roller skates as a child and loved them.  Growing up in Southern California, I skated in the neighborhood and on the strand, all year round.  It was pretty perfect.

When I was ten and my little sister was six, we took a family trip back to the Ukraine to visit my mother's  family.  After spending a few weeks there vising aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents, my Mom and Step Dad (#2, that's another story) decided to to leave my sister and I there for a year.  What?   Yeah, and split us up, each with one of my Mom's sisters' family.  Huh?  Yup, for a year.  Cool!

I was supposed to be going into 4th grade, but they put me in 1rst, I slowly moved to 2nd in a few months, nice.  Yes, the US school systems are that far behind.  Sad, I know.  Anyway, after some adjustments and learning to speak Russian (small detail), it wasn't so bad.  I actually have a ton of great memories of that year, really.

One of the best is learning how to ride a bike.  It was at my grandparents house in Koresten, which is a small town near the Polish border.  I can remember thinking the bike was a little big and my youngest Aunt telling me that this is the same bike my Mom learned to ride on as a child.  Weird.  My grandpa put me on the saddle, told me to pedal, and ran along with me for a few seconds.  Then all of the sudden, he's gone.  I'm going down a dirt path that they called a driveway to the big wooden gate at the street.....  Big gates, getting bigger.  Uh, how do you stop?  Our quick lesson did not include brakes!  ...Bonk, ouch!

I did it, I learned to ride.  I know, I was already 10 and 10 is late, but I was still pretty proud.  All my cousins cheered.  Then we each climbed up an apple tree in the backyard, pelted each other with apples, and tried not to fall out of the trees.  Yeah lots of good memories.

How did you learn to ride a bike?

The Shoulder

On the morning of August 28th I woke up early.  I never wake up early.  I'm always late.  I love to sleep, a total night owl.  Anyway, I woke up early because I was so excited to be doing my 2nd River's Edge 50 Mile Mountain Bike Race at the National Whitewater Center.  Last year I won, pretty easily actually.  And that was even after running out of water with an hour to go. 

But this year, there would be some competition, 10 other girls, and our former pro Patty Smith, who started our local female mountain biking club, The Dirt Divas.  The USNWC is her backyard, her best course.  So I was ready for a tough race, a good battle. 

I took it easy at the local race the previous Wednesday night.  And even took Thursday and Friday off.  That's tough for me.  Rest days are not fun!

I actually purposefully hydrated Friday and selected my food, instead of eating whatever my two year old threw on the floor.

So I was excited, I felt good.  I got there early, set everything up at my shared tent.  Road to the start line and lined up in front, announcing I was the female winner from last year, so I earned a spot up here.  No arguments, come on up.  Nice.  This was good, I was ready...let's go. 

And we finally went, got a decent start, road on the pavement, entered the Whitewater Center, onto the gravel, into the single track.  Doing well, feeling good.  In a pack of guys riding a little slow, but decent.  A guy stops at the beginning of a rocky climb and I don't make it around him.  No problem, I move over and keep riding.  I get to the top of the little climb, go around the rooty tree, and get ready for a roll drop.  Well of the left side of the drop where you get to roll down, a guy has stopped.  Hm...what to do.  I always go left, I mean ALWAYS go left.  Is there another line?  Do I do the drop?  Can I?  Do I ask him to move?  Do I stop and walk down the drop?  No!  That would be silly, this is a race, GO!  And boom!  Front wheel hits, I hit, bike hits me, in that order.

I can't get up, I can't move.  I ask some nice guy to please move me out of the trail.  He picks me and my bike up and I hop back on.  Oh, wait a minute, my right arm is numb, weird.  I try to break as I approach a rock garden.  OUCH!  Oh shit.  This is bad.  Now I feel pain.  I'm screaming, I'm crying, I'm so freaking embarrassed!  I reach up to my right shoulder with my left hand, and ugh, I feel nauseous.

So what do I do next.  I decide to RUN with my bike, I mean really run.  It's a race right.  I don't want to loose too much time.  I run as I far as I can then realize I could run faster without the bike.  I drop the bike, and run back out the start finish, and ask for a medic.  Another lady says she's a doctor, good, I thought,  No not good!

Okay, I won't stretch this out.  Let's just say that they thought I had dislocated my shoulder and tried to POP is back into place for almost two hours, before her partner another doc gave up and sent me to the emergency room. 

For the record for the first hour, I fully expected to go back our there and finish the race.  I mean I ate for the race, I was ready to ride 50 miles, not 1.5.  I had never DNF'd before.  I was so mad, so so mad!

Anyway, I called hubby and he and the boy met me at the emergency room.  Here's a picture of the beautiful shoulder waiting to see a doc.

And here the x-ray they took after injecting so many drugs into me that I passed out.  Nurse: pain scale from 1 to 10.  Me: 1.  Nurse:  Okay double dose of anti-nausea, and horse dose of pain killer.  Awesome.  I'm sure they loved billing for it too.

Turns out my shoulder was not dislocated, but torn.  Imagine that after someone try to tear my arm off to two hours while putting my un-dislocated shoulder back into place.  Homeward bound with a simple sling, more drugs, and a referral to a ortho doc.  Another lovely angle of the shoulder.

Monday I saw a youngish, fancy surgeon, Dr. Marcus Cook, at Perry Orthopedics.  They were recommended to me at the bike race.  He spent about 37 second with me, didn't look at my shoulder and said I needed surgery.  I had a 5th degree tear of all the joints (maybe it would have only been two if someone hadn't tugged on my arm for two hours after I fell???)  Oh and the procedure, would cost $25,000 minimum.  Okay, I held it together just long enough for him to leave the room.  The nurse walked me over to surgery scheduling and I broke down.  Tears streaming down my face, remember I'd hydrated so well.  It was pretty bad.  I felt sorry for the poor scheduler.  But she was nice;  even called my insurance company and got the complete out of pocket expense breakdown.  Surgery Thursday 5am, love mornings, great!

Tuesday for my sanity, I met with another ortho doc at OrthoCarolina, older, more experienced, nicer, spent a lot of time with me answering questions., etc.  He recommended the same thing, surgery, but a different way and different type. 

Not to get dogged down in the medical mumbo jumbo, but here goes.  Fancy doc would do the surgery arthroscopically with a rig made from Ti and cadaver tissue to rebuild the ligaments and joint.  He would cut me open only if the scope was not working well enough, and then maybe have to use a screw.  Old doc would just cut me open and use the screw, because it was easier.  Hmm.  One guy spent 37 seconds with me, but I have more confidence in his procedure.  The second is sweet and nice but seems outdated.

So I went for Mr. Fancy Yougish Doctor, aka Dr. Cook.

I sold both my bikes to pay for the surgery.  That was really sad.  But with a 12 week recovery time ahead I though I'd have time to figure something out...

Morning of surgery, I did not wake up early.  But got there early thanks to hubby.  Got a nerve block before the surgery, kind of like an epidural for your arm (note I had Jack drug free).  Surgery went well.  Recovery so far has been a lot of time in bed, lots of pain meds, and a pretty unhappy mountain biker.  What did you expect?

Here's a shot of the shoulder a few days after surgery.

This morning I had my first post op appointment.  The nurse took off the glue stickers from my cuts, and the doc came in all smiles, like he had just saved the world, or ate a worm.  I mean really, he was giddy.  Seriously though, he did a great job.  My shoulder looks good, function is very good for one week post op.  He spent a lot of time going over the scope pictures and explaining the new rig in my shoulder.  He was proud.  It was cute.  I thanked him, probably not enough, but how could I.  Seriously, thank you for giving me half my upper body back.  I really appreciate my right arm not hanging down two inches lower than my left.  What flavor of cookies covers that Martha?

Here's a shot of the new contraption in my shoulder.  Pretty cool, huh?

First rehab appointment next Tuesday after I drop Jack off at school.  Soooo excited!!!